Post by kaoru on Oct 2, 2013 18:27:24 GMT -5
Okay I have an english paper due and I need to know if this is creepy enough. Give me your honest opinion. 1 person told me it was creepy but who knows. 
It was a dark and stormy night. The house was quiet. Everyone but Alice was gone. She sat in her room, the fear of being alone pulls at her. She sits at her desk doing the paper assigned for English. She glances around her room. She see the black walls and red carpet, her bed is next to the window. The posters of the boy band she loves stares at her.
“Great,” she thought, “I can’t believe I chose such a creepy room layout.”
She returns to her work. Lightning illuminates her room, and she hears a crash down stairs.
“What was that?” She asks herself.
She hears the footsteps of a stranger climbing the stairs. She knows it can’t be her family they won’t be back until midnight. She runs to her bed and crawls underneath the blanket. She hears the faint sound of a hum calling her name. Begging her to play as it came down the hall. She covers her head hoping it’s her imagination. She hears the tapping of a hand knocking at her door. She prays the stranger doesn’t realize the door is unlocked. The door knob turns. She hears the faint creak of the door and the stranger hums, “Alice, come and play,” the door is half open. “Alice, I’m here to take you away.” The door opens and lightning illuminates the room and everything goes black.
Alice woke to the strange creature sharpening it’s knife. She’s dangling from chains.
“Please” she whispers, “please let me go.” She starts to cry.
The creature turns, it has no face. It’s body is white, but it’s clothes are torn, more like rags, the color of black. There was no sign of a mouth. or nose. The creature stares, its body motionless. It continues to sharpen the knife. Alice glances around the room. It is dark and wet. The smell of mildew wafts up her nose. The rooms walls are gray, the pavement is concrete. She wonders where she and how long she has been down there. She sees a small window on the top right wall it’s big enough for her to squeeze through. She wonders if she could escape. Impossible.
She feels a sting in her feet from the chains and winces. She continues to look. Alice sees a fire, above it is a pot, boiling full of water. She screams. The creature turns, its entire body faces her. It clenches the knife. It is obviously angry.
A slight tear comes to where its mouth should be. It widens and the creatures mouth shows. It’s teeth pointy, its tongue like a snake. The creature screams it’s pitch hurts her ears.
“I told you to be quiet.” The creature yells. It inches closer, the knife tight in its fist.
“Please, I’m sorry.” She cries. “Please don’t eat me.”
The creature keeps walking. It stops in front of her, it’s mouth opens and it’s tongue slivers across her face. Alice feels like barfing. Bile creeps up her throat. Just then she hears the footsteps of her family. We’re in the basement! she thought. If I scream they will definitely hear me. The creature backs away. It continues to sharpen the knife. Alice prepares herself to scream.
But before she can open her mouth, the creature is done. Alice is stunned. What should I do? She can’t move. She starts to cry as the creature walks toward her. Preparing the knife in its hand.
“No,” she whispers. “please no”
The creature creeps toward her Alice begs it to stop.
(there was another part like a sentence or two that i wrote on the paper that I can't remeber but it's summed up by the creature swings the knife.)
It was a dark and stormy night. The house was quiet. Everyone but Alice was gone. She sat in her room, the fear of being alone pulls at her. She sits at her desk doing the paper assigned for English. She glances around her room. She see the black walls and red carpet, her bed is next to the window. The posters of the boy band she loves stares at her.
“Great,” she thought, “I can’t believe I chose such a creepy room layout.”
She returns to her work. Lightning illuminates her room, and she hears a crash down stairs.
“What was that?” She asks herself.
She hears the footsteps of a stranger climbing the stairs. She knows it can’t be her family they won’t be back until midnight. She runs to her bed and crawls underneath the blanket. She hears the faint sound of a hum calling her name. Begging her to play as it came down the hall. She covers her head hoping it’s her imagination. She hears the tapping of a hand knocking at her door. She prays the stranger doesn’t realize the door is unlocked. The door knob turns. She hears the faint creak of the door and the stranger hums, “Alice, come and play,” the door is half open. “Alice, I’m here to take you away.” The door opens and lightning illuminates the room and everything goes black.
Alice woke to the strange creature sharpening it’s knife. She’s dangling from chains.
“Please” she whispers, “please let me go.” She starts to cry.
The creature turns, it has no face. It’s body is white, but it’s clothes are torn, more like rags, the color of black. There was no sign of a mouth. or nose. The creature stares, its body motionless. It continues to sharpen the knife. Alice glances around the room. It is dark and wet. The smell of mildew wafts up her nose. The rooms walls are gray, the pavement is concrete. She wonders where she and how long she has been down there. She sees a small window on the top right wall it’s big enough for her to squeeze through. She wonders if she could escape. Impossible.
She feels a sting in her feet from the chains and winces. She continues to look. Alice sees a fire, above it is a pot, boiling full of water. She screams. The creature turns, its entire body faces her. It clenches the knife. It is obviously angry.
A slight tear comes to where its mouth should be. It widens and the creatures mouth shows. It’s teeth pointy, its tongue like a snake. The creature screams it’s pitch hurts her ears.
“I told you to be quiet.” The creature yells. It inches closer, the knife tight in its fist.
“Please, I’m sorry.” She cries. “Please don’t eat me.”
The creature keeps walking. It stops in front of her, it’s mouth opens and it’s tongue slivers across her face. Alice feels like barfing. Bile creeps up her throat. Just then she hears the footsteps of her family. We’re in the basement! she thought. If I scream they will definitely hear me. The creature backs away. It continues to sharpen the knife. Alice prepares herself to scream.
But before she can open her mouth, the creature is done. Alice is stunned. What should I do? She can’t move. She starts to cry as the creature walks toward her. Preparing the knife in its hand.
“No,” she whispers. “please no”
The creature creeps toward her Alice begs it to stop.
(there was another part like a sentence or two that i wrote on the paper that I can't remeber but it's summed up by the creature swings the knife.)
